A Day for Celebrating Love

On this day set aside 
For celebrating love, 

May you breathe in the beauty of your beloved
And then speak her soul back to her.

May you know the warmth
Of having been loved by another.

On this day set aside
For celebrating love,

May the song that turned you head in your youth
Herald a new joy in your heart.

May you remember that Love embraced your being

On the day you came into consciousness.  

                                                                            ~ CK 

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In the video below, Coleman Barks reads his translation 
of a poem by Rumi, "What Was Said to the Rose" 

You can read the poem by Rumi at Poets.org

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Photo of white rose courtesy of Creative Commons at Pixabay


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"My Love Walked Through"

On this Valentines Day, I'm re-posting a love poem from my Masterworks Series (from August 24, 2015)

My Love Walked Through 

It was on a summer’s day

When all the world was still

My love walked through the market

With longings to fulfill.

She placed into her basket

The fairest fruit and flower

And set them on her table

To wait the trysting hour.

“When can you come to see me?”

She asked when last we spoke.

My mind was gladly willing,

My heart was full of hope.

Through all my years of struggle

While striving for a name,

I’d never found a resting place

Or joy that I could claim            

Until she graced the morning

With bountiful delight.

Her eyes spoke only welcome

To set my world aright.

So when we sat together

And spoke of days to come,

Our careful hearts were learning

We’d found our lasting home.

                                                     ~ CK

________________________________
Image: Still Life with Pineapples (courtesy of WikiArt)
Artist: Henri Matisse (1869-1954)
Medium: Oil on canvass

Date: 1925


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Index

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Living Beyond Cupid's Arrow (Re-post)

Here is a re-post from Valentine's Day 2011:

Antonio Canova's
Psyche Revived by Cupid's Kiss

Today, on St. Valentine's Day, we celebrate romantic love. How many songs, stories, legends, and movies have been sung, told and made that center around the notion of romantic love? When it catches us, all is right with the world. But is it realistic to try to sustain the euphoria? Is it natural to try to repeat that initial phase of romance throughout one’s life?

Most people understand that romantic love serves to bond us into a relationship. Much has been written about how romantic love lasts about 18 months – long enough for a couple to commit and have their first offspring. Science might say that romantic love serves a biological and evolutionary purpose - but when you are caught up in it, it is so much more fun than science makes it sound! The problem for many is that life sets in: “the honeymoon is over,” “the magic is gone,” “the passion subsides.” Some may wonder how they can re-kindle the flame; others may leave one partner to pursue another in order to repeat that initial sensation of being in love.

Love and Limerence

In the 1979, Dr. Dorothy Tennov, in her book, Love and Limerence – the Experience of Being in Love, coined the term limerence to refer to that aspect of intense romantic love. Characteristics of limerence include intrusive, involuntary thoughts about the “limerent object” (the object of one’s affection); feelings of elation, buoyancy and freedom; a longing for reciprocation; a fear of rejection; and overwhelming shyness in the presence of the “limerent object.”  Limerence can lead to euphoria or despair.  It all sounds like situations we have heard about in story and song about love potions, love-sickness, the arc of Cupid's arrow, and the tragedy of unrequited love. (1)

According to Tennov, there are three possible bonds in a pairing relationship:

1. Affectional bond in which neither partner is limerent.
2. Limerent-Nonlimerent bond in which one partner is limerent.
3. Limerent-Limerent bond in which both partners are limerent. (2)

It seems that limerence can be magic, wonderful, volatile, or tragic - which brings me back to our celebration of romantic love. What does it all mean? I think most people like to see young people in love – it somehow reaffirms our hope and belief in the upward and loving process of Life. We can take joy in the fact that there continues to be loving, caring, pairing and bonding. The true test of love, however, is not in keeping the euphoria and elation alive. The true test is in the commitment to continue to make a life together.

A Shared Life

One of my favorite movies is Fiddler on the Roof. In that musical drama, Tevye’s solid traditional world is sent spinning as he witnesses one daughter after the other marrying for love rather than opting for the security of arranged marriages. Then there comes that brief, quiet song where Tevye asks his wife, Golde, “Do you love me?” She first takes it as a foolish question, but Tevye persists in asking, “Do you love me?” One senses that Tevye wonders if he has missed something along the way. Golde reflects upon how they have spent their lives together for 25 years, making a family and a home amidst all the drudgery of housework, chores and daily living. She concludes, “If that’s not love, what is?” “Then you love me?” Tevye asks again. “I suppose I do,” she says. “And I suppose I love you, too,” Tevye sings with relief and reassurance. At the end of the song Tevye and Golde sing together, “It doesn't change a thing, but even so; After twenty-five years, it's nice to know.”

Cupid’s arrow was beyond the scope of Tevye's and Golde’s experience, but they found that bonding of love that sustained them in a changing world where they struggled to maintain a minimal standard of living. Nowadays, though statistics show marriage to be on the decline, most of us seem to think we should marry for love. Sometimes that “love” is really a blind limerence not based in reality. Often it is a true romantic bonding that gives an emotional foundation to build upon. Couples who live beyond Cupid’s arrow understand that love is more than a feeling and more solid than an emotion. Love engenders a caring and a respect and a commitment to go through the storms of life together.

Celebrating Love

I took heart the other day when I was out buying Valentine’s Day cards for my wife and my daughter. I was encouraged that the card industry was appealing to so many aspects of familial love and romantic love. There were cards for daughters, sons, wives, husbands, nieces, nephews, new lovers, and long time lovers. I was also encouraged by taking note of who was selecting the cards for purchase. They were young, old, fat, thin, plain and ordinary people. They were ordinary people caught up in the midst of life’s struggles who wanted to stop and recognize the importance of love in their lives. I did not see anyone who appeared to be in the throes of limerence or struck by Cupid’s arrow, but they were regular folk stopping to celebrate the ways that love has touched their lives.

References cited from Wikipedia:

1. "Limerence" at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence#cite_note-loveandlimerence-2

2. "Human Bonding" at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_bonding

For further reading:

I can recommend three books by Robert A. Johnson. Very readable on the layperson's level, Johnson's writings provide an understanding into the the psychology of relationships by using imagery from Greek mythology:

• He: Understanding Masculine Psychology
• She: Understanding Feminine Psychology
• We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love

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Julia Child Smiled in My Kitchen on Valentine’s Day

Actually, Julia smiles in my kitchen every day. There is a picture of her that my wife found years before we met. She hung it up as a “kitchen icon” for culinary inspiration. The Julia Child icon remains in our kitchen to this day.

Since both my wife and I had to work late on Valentine’s Day, and we were both off on the Sunday prior, we decided to celebrate the day on Sunday instead. For our Valentine dinner,  I went online and found Julia Child’s recipe for beef bourguignon. I had never seen the dish served and had certainly never tried to prepare it.  

Well, it was quite an adventure, but well worth it.  The recipe allows for one hour preparation time and six hours cooking time, so you can see that it is an all day affair. You can do a few other things around the house while the recipe is cooking, just don’t plan to be away from the house at all on the day you set out to make beef bourguignon! There are many steps to the process, but Julia lays them all out in an orderly way, easy to follow. You’ll have lots of pots to wash (some of them twice!) during the process. 

I was exposed to new things during my culinary experiment. I learned about lardons, made from thick sliced bacon, simmered in water prior to sautéing in the frying pan. So much of the day was out of my ordinary custom of cooking. I have cooked with wine before, but this recipe called for 3 cups (that’s almost a whole bottle!) of red wine. There was the process of sautéing the stew meat prior to slow-cooking in the oven. There was the careful sautéing of vegetables, the preparation of the mushrooms, the meticulous caramelizing of pearl onions in beef stock – each done separately prior to combining into one magnificent dish! Of course, I used extra virgin olive oil and real butter – there is one thing I heartily agree with Julia on. I heard her in a TV interview in which she was asked about the use of butter. Her response was “I always use butter, and I never mention the other spread.” 

While I was cooking that day, I recalled images of Julia in the kitchen on Public Television so many years ago. I remembered the scene in the movie,  Julie and Julia, when Julie fell asleep while the bourguignon was in the oven, leading to great disappointment (I had a cup of coffee halfway through the process – I wanted no disappointments).

In the end, we had a wonderful French stew that was exquisite in flavor! I served it over basmati white rice, accompanied by steamed French-style whole green beans. My wife gave it 5 stars and an A-plus! In fact, it was my wife who said, “I think Julia is smiling today!” It was a most satisfying day and it was certainly worth the endeavor. I was reminded of my own statement that cooking, like poetry, is a wonderful kind of alchemy – you take ordinary ingredients and create something quite extraordinary.  I heartily recommend Julia Child’s beef bourguignon to anyone who finds joy in cooking.



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Living Beyond Cupid's Arrow

Antonio Canova's
Psyche Revived by Cupid's Kiss

Today, on St. Valentine's Day, we celebrate romantic love. How many songs, stories, legends, and movies have been sung, told and made that center around the notion of romantic love? When it catches us, all is right with the world. But is it realistic to try to sustain the euphoria? Is it natural to try to repeat that initial phase of romance throughout one’s life?

Most people understand that romantic love serves to bond us into a relationship. Much has been written about how romantic love lasts about 18 months – long enough for a couple to commit and have their first offspring. Science might say that romantic love serves a biological and evolutionary purpose - but when you are caught up in it, it is so much more fun than science makes it sound! The problem for many is that life sets in: “the honeymoon is over,” “the magic is gone,” “the passion subsides.” Some may wonder how they can re-kindle the flame; others may leave one partner to pursue another in order to repeat that initial sensation of being in love.

Love and Limerence

In the 1979, Dr. Dorothy Tennov, in her book, Love and Limerence – the Experience of Being in Love, coined the term limerence to refer to that aspect of intense romantic love. Characteristics of limerence include intrusive, involuntary thoughts about the “limerent object” (the object of one’s affection); feelings of elation, buoyancy and freedom; a longing for reciprocation; a fear of rejection; and overwhelming shyness in the presence of the “limerent object.”  Limerence can lead to euphoria or despair.  It all sounds like situations we have heard about in story and song about love potions, love-sickness, the arc of Cupid's arrow, and the tragedy of unrequited love. (1)

According to Tennov, there are three possible bonds in a pairing relationship:

1. Affectional bond in which neither partner is limerent.
2. Limerent-Nonlimerent bond in which one partner is limerent.
3. Limerent-Limerent bond in which both partners are limerent. (2)

It seems that limerence can be magic, wonderful, volatile, or tragic - which brings me back to our celebration of romantic love. What does it all mean? I think most people like to see young people in love – it somehow reaffirms our hope and belief in the upward and loving process of Life. We can take joy in the fact that there continues to be loving, caring, pairing and bonding. The true test of love, however, is not in keeping the euphoria and elation alive. The true test is in the commitment to continue to make a life together.

A Shared Life

One of my favorite movies is Fiddler on the Roof. In that musical drama, Tevye’s solid traditional world is sent spinning as he witnesses one daughter after the other marrying for love rather than opting for the security of arranged marriages. Then there comes that brief, quiet song where Tevye asks his wife, Golde, “Do you love me?” She first takes it as a foolish question, but Tevye persists in asking, “Do you love me?” One senses that Tevye wonders if he has missed something along the way. Golde reflects upon how they have spent their lives together for 25 years, making a family and a home amidst all the drudgery of housework, chores and daily living. She concludes, “If that’s not love, what is?” “Then you love me?” Tevye asks again. “I suppose I do,” she says. “And I suppose I love you, too,” Tevye sings with relief and reassurance. At the end of the song Tevye and Golde sing together, “It doesn't change a thing, but even so; After twenty-five years, it's nice to know.”

Cupid’s arrow was beyond the scope of Tevye's and Golde’s experience, but they found that bonding of love that sustained them in a changing world where they struggled to maintain a minimal standard of living. Nowadays, though statistics show marriage to be on the decline, most of us seem to think we should marry for love. Sometimes that “love” is really a blind limerence not based in reality. Often it is a true romantic bonding that gives an emotional foundation to build upon. Couples who live beyond Cupid’s arrow understand that love is more than a feeling and more solid than an emotion. Love engenders a caring and a respect and a commitment to go through the storms of life together.

Celebrating Love

I took heart the other day when I was out buying Valentine’s Day cards for my wife and my daughter. I was encouraged that the card industry was appealing to so many aspects of familial love and romantic love. There were cards for daughters, sons, wives, husbands, nieces, nephews, new lovers, and long time lovers. I was also encouraged by taking note of who was selecting the cards for purchase. They were young, old, fat, thin, plain and ordinary people. They were ordinary people caught up in the midst of life’s struggles who wanted to stop and recognize the importance of love in their lives. I did not see anyone who appeared to be in the throes of limerence or struck by Cupid’s arrow, but they were regular folk stopping to celebrate the ways that love has touched their lives.

References cited from Wikipedia:

1. "Limerence" at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence#cite_note-loveandlimerence-2

2. "Human Bonding" at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_bonding

For further reading:

I can recommend three books by Robert A. Johnson. Very readable on the layperson's level, Johnson's writings provide an understanding into the the psychology of relationships by using imagery from Greek mythology:

• He: Understanding Masculine Psychology
• She: Understanding Feminine Psychology
• We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love

_

For Valentine's Day

I found these two old poems I had written (circa 1993) that remind me why I am a very lucky man. I offer them on my blog this Valentine's Day.



A Moment of Grace

If not for you,
The dreams that I had
Might have slipped away.
If not for you,
The hope I had
Might have been beyond my grasp.

The hero makes a thousand journeys
And his treasure
(When he finds it)
Is at home.

It was a moment of grace
When I met you.
It was as though I were at an airport cafe
Waiting for the next flight out
When you invited me to stay for awhile.



Sitting with the Vision

When I was young
I sought the Beatific Vision.
At all costs, I would see it and it would be seen.
And with that vision I would connect with
the harmony of all that is
(I said when I was young).

Then you came.
With great surprise I stepped aside
Onto another path.
Youthful arrogance would say,
"Do not forsake your quest."
(But if the Grail will be found,
It will find and be found
And the traveler will not disdain surprises).

Now I delight in everyday things
And find joy in our life together.
And what greater wonder than sharing life
With our daughter
Who is fascinated by so many things,
even small things like her goldfish
whom she calls "Pish".

The delight it brings to our daughter
Lets me know that for the moment
My most important task
Is to make sure that Pish has clean water in his bowl
and food every day.

And I sit in amazement
As a little goldfish gracefully reflects
The unconscious beatific vision
Made known in an instant
As it swims about within the Holy Grail.



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