Fred Rogers, I'll Be Your Neighbor

Fred Rogers on the set of "Mister Rogers Neighborhood"  (Jim Judkis / Focus Features)

When my daughter was a preschooler, even as a toddler, she loved to draw and paint (she, in fact, grew up to be an artist). I still remember one day as she was using her markers and large poster-sized paper which she had laid out on the floor. With some large, rather abstract sweeps, she said, “This is Mister Rogers. He has long arms.” I was glad to see my daughter thinking of Mister Rogers in her creative moments.  I could not help thinking as well that Fred Rogers did indeed have long arms – figuratively as well as literally. He reached so many people in positive ways during their formative years.

Won’t You Be my Neighbor? is a new documentary about Fred Rogers that is coming to theaters this weekend. I look forward to seeing it. Just as I was happy to see my daughter fondly thinking of him all those years ago, I am also quite grateful that Mister Rogers is being remembered now, 15 years after his death.

If you look to the top of my blog page, you will see a “Heroes” tab. If you go to that page you will see a list of heroes, and Fred Rogers is right there at the top of the list. There you will see the essay I wrote in 2012, which I share again below:

Finding Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood

One of the happy asides for me that came with being a father was having the opportunity to visit Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.  As soon as my daughter was old enough to pay attention to television, we started tuning in to Fred Rogers’ program on Public Television. In fact, for all of my daughter’s pre-school and early elementary years, TV viewing for her was limited to PBS children’s programming, and a few other children’s programs at places like The Discovery Channel, Nickelodeon and on video tape.

Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, however, was the best thing ever developed in children’s programming. It was something my wife and I always enjoyed watching with our daughter.  Once my daughter started preschool, I began taping Mister Rogers. I found that I could get a week’s worth of programming on one VHS tape (this was before TiVo, DVDs, etc.). That way she (and I) were able to watch the show later if the broadcast was missed. We loved the pace of the shows, and parents could learn about interacting with children by watching how Mister Rogers talked to children and what things he chose to talk about with children.  

I learned some things myself about zoos and aviaries, about how graham crackers are made, how poets deal with words, and how musicians ply their talents, and many other fascinating things from Fred Rogers’ field trips.  Above all, it was reassuring to watch him and understand that I could make it as a parent in spite of my doubts and worries about whether I could get this parenting thing right.

A self-actualized person

Fred Rogers may have been one of our best examples of a healthy, well-rounded life – a self-actualized person.  The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines self-actualization as “to realize fully one's potential.” It is a term coined by psychologist Kurt Goldstein and also used by psychologists Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers.  It carries the connotation that one is living fully within one’s potential and has made full use of that potential. Once I was taking a graduate course dealing with developmental psychology and the topic of self-actualization was discussed. The instructor asked us to name some examples of people who were self-actualized.  Since I had spent some of my daughter’s formative years watching Mister Rogers' Neighborhood with her, I immediately put Fred Rogers' name to the class as one whose life was a prime example of self-actualization. The professor had a look of surprise, then of awareness. “I think he is a good example," the professor said. "Usually in class students will mention names like Jesus Christ, the Buddha, or Mahatma Gandhi, but Fred Rogers is certainly a good example of what we are talking about.”

A good neighbor

Fred Rogers was definitely a gift to all who encountered him, whether in person or on television.  He showed us how to talk to children and he taught us how to be a good neighbor. You can read another writer’s reflections in an article, “15 Reasons Mr. Rogers Was the Best Neighbor Ever.” There is also a wonderful video on You Tube in which John D Boswell (melodysheep) has done an auto-tune digitalization for PBS of some wonderful moments with Mister Rogers. You can see that delightful and inspirational video below.

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Finding Mister Roger's Neighborhood

[The following essay is a re-post from June 12, 2012. I share it again today because his was a life fully lived and fully realized that offers us hope in our own life endeavors. ~ CK]

One of the happy asides for me that came with being a father was having the opportunity to visit Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.  As soon as my daughter was old enough to pay attention to television, we started tuning in to Fred Rogers’ program on Public Television. In fact, for all of my daughter’s pre-school and early elementary years, TV viewing for her was limited to PBS children’s programming, and a few other children’s programs at places like The Discovery Channel, Nickelodeon and on video tape.

Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, however, was the best thing ever developed in children’s programming. It was something my wife and I always enjoyed watching with our daughter.  Once my daughter started preschool, I began taping Mister Rogers. I found that I could get a week’s worth of programming on one VHS tape (this was before TiVo, DVDs, etc.). That way she (and I) were able to watch the show later if the broadcast was missed. We loved the pace of the shows, and parents could learn about interacting with children by watching how Mister Rogers talked to children and what things he chose to talk about with children.  

I learned some things myself about zoos and aviaries, about how graham crackers are made, how poets deal with words, and how musicians ply their talents, and many other fascinating things from Fred Rogers’ field trips.  Above all, it was reassuring to watch him and understand that I could make it as a parent in spite of my doubts and worries about whether I could get this parenting thing right.

Fred Rogers may have been one of our best examples of a healthy, well-rounded life – a self-actualized person.  The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines self-actualization as “to realize fully one's potential.” It is a term coined by psychologist Kurt Goldstein and also used by psychologists Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers.  It carries the connotation that one is living fully within one’s potential and has made full use of that potential. Once I was taking a graduate course dealing with developmental psychology and the topic self-actualization was discussed. The instructor asked us to name some examples of people who were self actualized.  Since I had spent some of my daughter’s formative years watching Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood with her, I immediately put Fred Rogers' name to the class as one whose life was a prime example of self-actualization. The professor had a look of surprise, then of awareness. “I think he is a good example," the professor said. "Usually in class students will mention names like Jesus Christ, the Buddha, or Mahatma Gandhi, but Fred Rogers is certainly a good example of what we are talking about.”

Fred Rogers was definitely a gift to all who encountered him, whether in person or on television.  He showed us how to talk to children and he taught us how to be a good neighbor. You can read another writer’s reflections in an article, “15 Reasons Mr. Rogers Was the Best Neighbor Ever.” There is also a wonderful video on You Tube in which John D Boswell (melodysheep) has done an auto-tune digitalization for PBS of some wonderful moments with Mister Rogers. You can see that delightful and inspirational video below.

-

Finding Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood

One of the happy asides for me that came with being a father was having the opportunity to visit Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.  As soon as my daughter was old enough to pay attention to television, we started tuning in to Fred Rogers’ program on Public Television. In fact, for all of my daughter’s pre-school and early elementary years, TV viewing for her was limited to PBS children’s programming, and a few other children’s programs at places like The Discovery Channel, Nickelodeon and on video tape.

Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, however, was the best thing ever developed in children’s programming. It was something my wife and I always enjoyed watching with our daughter.  Once my daughter started preschool, I began taping Mister Rogers. I found that I could get a week’s worth of programming on one VHS tape (this was before TiVo, DVDs, etc.). That way she (and I) were able to watch the show later if the broadcast was missed. We loved the pace of the shows, and parents could learn about interacting with children by watching how Mister Rogers talked to children and what things he chose to talk about with children.  

I learned some things myself about zoos and aviaries, about how graham crackers are made, how poets deal with words, and how musicians ply their talents, and many other fascinating things from Fred Rogers’ field trips.  Above all, it was reassuring to watch him and understand that I could make it as a parent in spite of my doubts and worries about whether I could get this parenting thing right.

Fred Rogers may have been one of our best examples of a healthy, well-rounded life – a self-actualized person.  The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines self-actualization as “to realize fully one's potential.” It is a term coined by psychologist Kurt Goldstein and also used by psychologists Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers.  It carries the connotation that one is living fully within one’s potential and has made full use of that potential. Once I was taking a graduate course dealing with developmental psychology and the topic of self-actualization was discussed. The instructor asked us to name some examples of people who were self actualized.  Since I had spent some of my daughter’s formative years watching Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood with her, I immediately put Fred Rogers' name to the class as one whose life was a prime example of self-actualization. The professor had a look of surprise, then of awareness. “I think he is a good example," the professor said. "Usually in class students will mention names like Jesus Christ, the Buddha, or Mahatma Gandhi, but Fred Rogers is certainly a good example of what we are talking about.”

Fred Rogers was definitely a gift to all who encountered him, whether in person or on television.  He showed us how to talk to children and he taught us how to be a good neighbor. You can read another writer’s reflections in an article, “15 Reasons Mr. Rogers Was the Best Neighbor Ever.” There is also a wonderful video on You Tube in which John D Boswell (melodysheep) has done an auto-tune digitalization for PBS of some wonderful moments with Mister Rogers. You can see that delightful and inspirational video below.

Our New Graduate

Four years ago I had difficulty when that day came for our daughter to go off to college. We were thrilled that she was going to one of the top liberal arts colleges around. My wife and I were also glad that even though she would be living on campus, the school was just across town. When that day came I was excited and exhilarated by the sight of the campus. I loved my own college experience and the sight of a college campus always thrills me. That first week, though, it hit me. Even though she was only across town, she would not be coming back – not like before. The little girl was growing up and out. 

I remembered the first time our daughter walked all the way to our next door neighbor’s house to play with her best friend. I stood on the front porch and watched, unbeknownst to her, making sure she made it safely – it was a thrilling accomplishment for both toddler and parent. Now she was making an even greater trek toward adulthood. I spent that week going through lots and lots of photo albums and putting together a PowerPoint of all the events in my daughter’s life. I had to do something to get out of my funk.

Now my wife and I are so thrilled and proud to have watched our daughter walk across the stage to receive her Bachelor of Arts Degree from Birmingham-Southern College. It is yet another milestone in a life that is remarkably unfolding.  It will be a challenging and exciting time for our daughter; it will be a challenging time for us as we face the empty nest.

Insights from Parenting

Parenthood may not be for everyone, but I would have missed so much if I had not become a father. One of the biggest insights for me came when my daughter was a toddler. I was out in the backyard where I had been working all day building a fence. Toward the end of the day, I was hot, sweaty and tired, but still consumed by the task of sawing 4 x 4s, digging post holes, pouring cement, etc. My daughter came out the back door to tell me that Mom said supper was ready and I had to come in. When I looked up at her, the evening sun caught her blonde hair as she was carefully making her way down the back steps (my daughter is like I was – blond-headed as a toddler, then she turned brunette by the time she finished high school). The sight of her filled me with the light of joy and love. In that same instant I realized for the first time that that must have been the same way my own father had looked at me. It was as though I were the giver and the recipient in the very same moment.

Other Things I Realized by Being a Parent

• Childhood is but an instant. My own childhood seemed immense, mythic, a huge chunk of my life, but to my parents it must have just been an all too short segment in their lives together, one of the many things they did together.
• I never really realized how much my parents must have prayed for us, but when I look now with the eyes of a parent, I realize that you do everything you possibly can and then offer constant prayers as your child faces each stage in life.
• Biggest lesson if you didn’t already know, life is not about you.

The Clay is All Dry Now

Even though we want our kids to grow up, we treasure them so that sometimes they have to tell us how old they are. I will never forget the day my daughter and I were going somewhere, about to cross the street. I took her hand before we crossed. She let go and pushed my hand aside, saying something like, “I can cross by myself, Dad.” Ouch, another step away, but it was a healthy step.  A couple of years ago, my daughter, then 20, was preparing to go down to the beach for a vacation with one of her friends. My wife was reminding her of all the things she needed to do and watch for, and to remember to call, etc. My daughter said, “Mom, the time of clay is over – I’m all dry now.”

Marriage and parenthood are the two hardest jobs in the world, but by far the most rewarding. I wouldn’t trade my experience for anything.

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