Friday Funnies: Just wear it!

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Friday Funnies: Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin Reminisce

[A few years back I did a satirical bit over at The Vidalia Onion about Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin reminiscing about working for NASA. I'm repeating it here in good fun and in celebration of the 50th anniversary of that first manned lunar landing in 1969. ~ CK]

NASA photo from Buzz Aldrin's Facebook page

“As I made my way down the ladder, I partially closed the hatch, being 

careful not to lock it on the way out (there wasn’t a handle on the door).”

This Saturday marks the anniversary of the first manned lunar landing on July 20, 1969. It was Apollo 11, and Neil Armstrong became the first human to set foot on the moon, “One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” There were a couple of items about that mission that I learned this week. Buzz Aldrin (the second man on the moon) posted on his Facebook page, “As I made my way down the ladder, I partially closed the hatch, being careful not to lock it on the way out (there wasn’t a handle on the door).”

The second item of interest was a Reuters headline from 2009 that a friend sent: “Moon landing tapes got erased, NASA admits.” With these two bits of information, I came up with an imaginary conversation between Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. Since Neil Armstrong died in 2012, it is possible that this conversation, or one like it, could have taken place.

Neil Armstrong's telephone rings. It’s his Apollo 11 colleague, Buzz Aldrin on the line:

Neil:  Hello?

Buzz: Neil, it’s me, Buzz.

Neil:  Oh, hi, Buzz. What’s up?”

Buzz: Hey, did ya hear about what happened at NASA?

Neil:  No, what?

Buzz: You know that scratchy staticky recording of your first words on the moon?                        Well NASA accidentally erased it!

Neil:  Erased it? What the ––! So I said it was one small step – I didn’t mean it was    

          insignificant. But that’s what it’s like in government work, isn't it?

Buzz: Yeah, apparently they taped over it by mistake.

Neil:  Taped over it! What did they tape, for cryin’ out loud?

Buzz: Who knows? Hubble pictures from deep space, maybe – or Martian shots

          from Rover? Hell, they could have even used it to tape Oprah’s final

          broadcast for all we know. You remember Finnegan? He used to use all that

          fancy NASA equipment to record Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In on  

          Monday nights!

Neil:  Get out!

Buzz: If I’m lyin’ I’m dyin’. You know Finnegan had that photo of Goldie Hawn in

          a bikini at his work station.

Neil:  And all in the name of science! Go figure!

Buzz: Well, I don’t know how it happened, but they erased it, alright. I guess you

           and I are just old news, buddy.

Neil:  That sounds like NASA.

Buzz: Yeah, you remember when we were doing all those trial runs before the big  

           launch? And that first time they told us to make sure we didn’t lock the

           hatch on the way out?

Neil:  Yeah, can you believe it? “There’s no handle on the door,” they said.

Buzz: That’s it! I had this fear that I’d follow you down the ladder and hear a

           crazy “click” when I shut the hatch. Uh-oh! That would have been some fix.

Neil:  Yeah – then I’d be thinking, “one small step – and one big dufus for a moon

          partner!”

Buzz: Can you imagine what Collin’s would be saying up in the command

           module? He’d be like, “Houston, we’ve got a problem – and his initials are

           Buzz Aldrin!”

Neil:  I’m just glad we remembered all the steps and made it back home.

Buzz: You know, Neil, I think I’ve still got a tape of that lunar landing down in the

           basement. It’s over there with the vinyl LPs that I can’t play anymore. You

           want me to send it?

Neil:  No, Buzz, you don’t have to send it. I saw it last week on YouTube. I can see

          it any time I want, as long as nobody takes it down.

Buzz: Well, I gotta go Neil. I’ve got a lecture date. There’s a third grade class over   

           at Park Elementary waiting to hear about the Apollo missions.

Neil:  Well just tell ‘em the good stuff, Buzz. Leave the tape glitches and Goldie

          Hawn out of it!

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Happy Thanksgiving

And now a helpful word from The Vidalia Onion:

For all who are making those Thanksgiving plans...May you find enough Episcopalians to bring sufficient decorum to the holiday table (or at least a détente until the last slice of pumpkin pie is served).

________________

Cartoon by Andy Marlette, editorial cartoonist for the Pensacola News Journal (and nephew of the late Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist Doug Marlette).



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Bearing Witness to the Times: Dealer of the White House

(Shutterstock photo)

Dealer of the White House

(To the tune of “Master of the House” from Les Misérables)

Dealer of the White House

Believe me, I can charm

Ready with a handshake

(If you're not like Mom*).

Tweeting out the tales

Making quite a stir

Voters seem to like a little flying fur.

Glad to do a friend a favor,

Putin says I’m really smart.

I can bring it all together,

Everything except a little heart.

Dealer of the White House

Herder of the cats

Signing orders everywhere

For this and that.

Rallying the base

(It’s really kind of fun)

While I take away the safety net from everyone.

Tell the crowd I’m gonna fix things,

Make ‘em think they’ve got a friend

Tell ‘em anything they like

But you know I’m gonna fleece ‘em in the end.

Yes I’m the Dealer of the White House,

Best there’s ever been.

Got a crazy plan

To really do us in.

Tweak a little here

Take a little there

Making sure the corporations get their share.

Take away the arts and learning

Build a lot of bombs and walls

You can make the country great

Or you can prop it up before it falls.

Yeah, you can make the country great
Or you can prop it up before it falls!

                                                        ~ CK

President Trump meets with German Chancellor Merkel in the Oval Office
  Friday, March 17, 2017.(AP photo by Evan Vucci )

*"No Oval Office Handshake Between Trump, Merkel"

*    *    *    *

From my introductory post:

The best thing that poets can do is to bear witness to the times – articulate what is happening in the moment; speak to the real life experiences of your people.  I am setting myself a goal to write a poem each week that reflects what I see and experience in the life of our nation... if I can write one poem a week there will be some chronicle of our sacred/tested/doubtful union.

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The Return of Boris and Natasha

Earlier this week I posted this little innovation that I cooked up on my satire blog, The Vidalia Onion:

ELECTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES

"Our plan is vorking, Natasha. Soon ve tell Meester Trump, 

time to kill moose and squirrel -- or ve release his tax returns 

vitch ve got from WikiLeaks."

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Apollo 11's Historic Lunar Landing

NASA photo from Buzz Aldrin's Facebook page

“As I made my way down the ladder, I partially closed the hatch, being 

careful not to lock it on the way out (there wasn’t a handle on the door).” 

Over at The Vidalia Onion, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin reminisce about working for NASA. Check it out at http://thevidaliaonionnews.blogspot.com/2015/07/neil-armstrong-and-buzz-aldrin.html



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A Satirical Review of the Governor of Alabama's State if the State Address

 Here's a report from The Vidalia Onion...

Governor Bentley of Alabama Holds his State Up as a Paragon of Republican Ideals

Governor Bentley, in his state of the state address on Tuesday night continued to reject Obamacare, Medicaid expansion, and federal government intervention. Instead, he showed the nation what Republican ideals of low taxes and small government can do for a state. After all, Alabama was practicing low taxes, small government and resistance to federal programs long before it was Republican cool – and it has really paid off. (Continue reading here).

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Press Release from "The Vidalia Onion"

I'm trying something new with another blog called "The Vidalia Onion." I am not stopping the Not Dark Yet blog site and The Vidalia Onion ("fake news rooted in the South") will only be occasional and will be satirical in nature. It all started when I wrote a satirical news release and sent it out to some friends. Someone suggested I create a blog site for such satire. You can see the initial post at  http://thevidaliaonionnews.blogspot.com/ with "The Vidalia Onion Grants Prestigious Queen Victoria Award to Mississippi Native Sons." If you have ever been in online discussions or listened to religious debate, you might find it entertaining.

The Vidalia Onion Grants Prestigious Queen Victoria Award to
 Mississippi Native Sons

(Disassociated Press Release)

On November 31, 2013, The Vidalia Onion gave this year’s Queen Victoria Award to Jim High and Don Manning-Miller for their efforts in taking religious dialogue back to the 19^th Century.  Concerning the award, The Vidalia Onion’s Lawrence Brainbalm said, “Some of us here in Georgia really hated to see the 19^th century go – that’s why we honor something 19^th century each year with the Queen Victoria Award.” Continue reading....

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