[A few years back I did a satirical bit over at The Vidalia Onion about Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin reminiscing about working for NASA. I'm repeating it here in good fun and in celebration of the 50th anniversary of that first manned lunar landing in 1969. ~ CK]
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| NASA photo from Buzz Aldrin's Facebook page |
“As I made my way down the ladder, I partially closed the hatch, being
careful not to lock it on the way out (there wasn’t a handle on the door).”
This Saturday marks the anniversary of the first manned lunar landing
on July
20, 1969 . It was Apollo 11, and Neil Armstrong
became the first human to set foot on the moon, “One small step for a man, one
giant leap for mankind.” There were a couple of items about that mission that I
learned this week. Buzz Aldrin (the second man on the moon) posted on his Facebook
page, “As I made my way down the ladder, I partially closed the hatch,
being careful not to lock it on the way out (there wasn’t a handle on the
door).”
The second item of interest was a Reuters headline
from 2009 that a friend sent: “Moon landing tapes got erased, NASA
admits.” With these two bits of information, I came up with an imaginary
conversation between Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. Since Neil Armstrong died
in 2012, it is possible that this conversation, or one like it, could have
taken place.
Neil Armstrong's telephone rings. It’s his Apollo 11 colleague,
Buzz Aldrin on the line:
Neil:
Hello?
Buzz: Neil,
it’s me, Buzz.
Neil:
Oh, hi, Buzz. What’s up?”
Buzz: Hey,
did ya hear about what happened at NASA?
Neil:
No, what?
Buzz: You
know that scratchy staticky recording of your first words on the moon? Well
Neil:
Erased it? What the ––! So I said it was one small step – I didn’t mean
it was
insignificant. But that’s what it’s like in government work, isn't it?
Buzz: Yeah,
apparently they taped over it by mistake.
Neil:
Taped over it! What did they tape, for cryin’ out loud?
Buzz: Who
knows? Hubble pictures from deep space, maybe – or Martian shots
from Rover? Hell, they could have even used it to tape Oprah’s final
broadcast for all we know. You remember Finnegan? He used to use all that
fancy NASA equipment to record Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In on
Monday nights!
Neil:
Get out!
Buzz: If I’m
lyin’ I’m dyin’. You know Finnegan had that photo of Goldie Hawn in
a bikini at his work station.
Neil:
And all in the name of science! Go figure!
Buzz: Well, I
don’t know how it happened, but they erased it, alright. I guess you
and I are just old news, buddy.
Neil:
That sounds like NASA.
Buzz: Yeah,
you remember when we were doing all those trial runs before the big
launch? And that first time they told us to make
sure we didn’t lock the
hatch on the way out?
Neil:
Yeah, can you believe it? “There’s no handle on the door,” they said.
Buzz: That’s
it! I had this fear that I’d follow you down the ladder and hear a
crazy “click” when I shut the hatch. Uh-oh! That would have been some fix.
Neil:
Yeah – then I’d be thinking, “one small step – and one big dufus for a
moon
partner!”
Buzz: Can you
imagine what Collin’s would be saying up in the command
module? He’d be like, “Houston, we’ve got a problem – and his initials are
Buzz Aldrin!”
Neil:
I’m just glad we remembered all the steps and made it back home.
Buzz: You
know, Neil, I think I’ve still got a tape of that lunar landing down in the
basement. It’s over there with the vinyl LPs that I can’t play anymore.
You
want me to send it?
Neil:
No, Buzz, you don’t have to send it. I saw it last week on YouTube. I can
see
it any time I want, as long as nobody takes it down.
Buzz: Well, I
gotta go Neil. I’ve got a lecture date. There’s a third grade class over
at Park Elementary waiting to hear about the Apollo missions.
Neil:
Well just tell ‘em the good stuff, Buzz. Leave the tape glitches and
Goldie
Hawn out of it!
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